The Scanner: Shell as Hell

GINGERBREAD MAN A car thief in northeast Charlotte gave police one hell of a fight last week, and while officers were able to recover one stolen car, they did so at the expense of their own. According to the report, officers spotted the suspect driving a stolen car in the Belmont at Tryon apartment complex near the Cabarrus County border. The suspect ran when he saw police, and eventually fought them when they caught up to him. They were able to get him into custody, however, if only for a short time. Officers said the suspect did “significant damage to a police vehicle” — the electronics, specifically — to the tune of $400 in damage after being detained, then he was able to somehow escape custody while still in handcuffs.

HUNGER GAMES A 49-year-old man in the Highland Creek neighborhood of north Charlotte fell victim to a crime that hasn’t been regularly reported since the pioneer days. The man told officers that someone attacked his home with a bow and arrow, resulting in $10 in damage to the frame of his garage door.

CONCHED OUT A 41-year-old man was hospitalized with minor injuries after being assaulted with a strange weapon in southwest Charlotte. The report only states that the suspect “struck the victim with a weapon,” but the only evidence listed in the report was a “white seashell with victim’s blood on it.”

HEAD IN THE GAME A 24-year-old man was perhaps a little too focused on the pick-up basketball game he was playing in recently at Cherry Park near Uptown. When the man got done with the game, he realized that his car was no longer where he parked it. He would later tell police that someone stole the keys to his vehicle from where he had placed them next to the basketball court, and then walked right over to the car that he had parked right in front of the basketball court and drove off in it.

DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK A 45-year-old New Jersey man was visiting Charlotte recently but went home without the safety net he came with. According to the man, someone broke into his car while it was parked outside of a hotel on Arrowood Road and stole a handgun, some power tools, a pack of Newport cigarettes, some cash and and a $6,000 check from State Farm that he had not gotten a chance to cash yet. The only question now is: Was the insurance money insured?

ALL BARK, NO BITE In a recently filed non-criminal report, a 25-year-old northwest Charlotte man told officers that he had misplaced his teeth. The man said that between 1 a.m. on Jan. 1 and noon on Jan. 2, he lost six 10-karat gold teeth, worth a total of $300. Not a good way to start the new year.

FREEZE! A Coulwood man was relieved of his wallet while relieving himself near his home recently. The man told police that he was urinating outside on his own street when someone approached him from the rear and put a gun to his head. The thief robbed the man of his wallet, which had $50 inside, and an LG phone, but the bright side is that he definitely did not piss his pants when a gun was pointed at his head.

SHOE STRING BUDGET Police released photos of a man who went on a robbery spree in east Charlotte at a number of different department stores, and it seems the man had an odd affection for shoe strings. According to one report, the man walked into a Payless Shoe Source on Eastway Drive and implied that he was holding a gun under his jacket. In the end, all the man took was an unlisted amount of money and a package of shoe strings.

All reports are pulled from Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department files. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.