With an American Hockey League-leading 39 points, the Charlotte Checkers seemingly aren’t in need of any extra motivation, but they’re getting it with the recent announcement of goal songs. On Tuesday, the team announced that it will be rolling out the songs at tonight’s game, the first home game in December. The players picked each specific tune, which will be played each time a respective player scores, similar to walk-up songs in baseball.
The players’ picks are … let’s just call them interesting. I took it upon myself to do the important work of judging each pick on a scale of 1-10 using two variables: the quality of the song in general and how fitting it is to be played at a time when someone just scored, a rare enough special event in hockey, which sees less than three goals total per game on average.
Jake Bean: “Happy Hour” by Cole Bradley (8 of 10)
This is one of those songs that calls itself country but sounds more like pop music. I can take it or leave it as far as songs go, but it’s a fun, celebratory song that puts you right in party mode, so it makes for a great goal song.
Clark Bishop: “Heave Away” by The Fables (9 of 10)
What’s more fitting for a hockey celebration than Newfoundland’s version of Dropkick Murphys? Play this song when Bishop scores or play it when he fights, it works either way.
Patrick Brown: “Right Above It” by Lil’ Wayne (7 of 10)
This one brings me back about eight years when Lil’ Wayne was at the peak of his game. It would have been more relevant then, but the Checkers are right above all competition at the moment, so I guess they’ve earned the right to decide what’s relevant.
Michal Cajkovsky: “Summer of ’69” by Bryan Adams (5 of 10)
This throwback was a mediocre song when it came out, and it’s a mediocre song to celebrate to. That’s about all I can say about it.
Trevor Carrick: “Glitter and Gold” by Barns Courtney (8 of 10)
This one’s a bit more driving and ominous than some of the other songs, but it still plays nicely as a celebratory song. If anything, it should hype the teammates up to go get another goal.
Josiah Didier: “Timber” Pitbull feat. Kesha (7 of 10)
This one is a straight-up headache inducer, and I couldn’t imagine listening to it in any situation beyond celebrating a goal, or for more than a minute — but as a quick clip aimed at getting the crowd into the party, it works fine.
Julien Gauthier: “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls (7 of 10)
This one is a head scratcher, but according to the Checkers Twitter account, Gauthier was “very adamant about this.” Not sure the relevance, but to each his own. It’s a classic, so I can’t hate on the selection.
Morgan Geekie: “Echa Pa’ala” by Pitbull (9 of 10)
One of two Pitbull appearances on the list, and by far the superior one. If you weren’t already up out of your seat dancing at the sight of a goal being scored, you will be for the song.
Janne Kuokannen: “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles (7 of 10)
This ’79 throwback is a fun enough song, but it’s not very celebratory, nor is it all that relevant to hockey. It will put smiles on faces and get a few soccer moms to bust out some hideous dance moves, but that’s about it. Regardless, get ready to hear plenty of it if Kuokannen comes back from the Carolina Hurricanes, as he’s been leading the team in points this season.
Saku Maenalanen: “Crazy Frog” by Axel F. (8 of 10)
The stereotypical Jock Jam, this song came out 13 years ago, but the sample has been playing at sporting events for decades. It’s the obligatory celebration song — a safe call, but a good one.
Roland McKeown: “Candy Paint” by Post Malone (7 of 10)
This song sounds a lil’ too chill for a post-goal celebration, but hey, if it’s good enough for an action soundtrack like The Fate of the Furious, it’s good enough for me.
Alex Nedeljkovik: “I Like It, I Love It” by Tim McGraw (8 of 10)
I will go ahead and be transparent about my bias here, as this was my favorite song upon its release, when I was 9 years old. It still holds up as a damn fine party song to celebrate a goal to, as well. Seeing as how Nedeljkovik is a goalie, however, its a literal long shot that we’ll ever hear it played.
Andrew Poturalski: “Psycho” by Post Malone (10 of 10)
Post Malone ties Pitbull with for most appearances on this list at two, and this is the better song to celebrate to. I’d love to hear the crowd singing along to this chorus every time the team’s now-leading scorer puts one in, but something tells me that’s a lot to ask from a hockey crowd.
Cliff Pu: “Gangnam Style” by Psy (7 of 10)
I get it. People will dance. It’s fun. But I thought we were rid of this song.
Dan Renouf : “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes (8 of 10)
This song is everywhere right now, making it by far the most culturally relevant song. Renouf is a defensemen with only one goal on the books this year, but if he can get another one at home, he’s going to feel like a G when this song comes on.
Dennis Robertson: “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” by Johnny Cash (6 of 10)
This is a dark song for celebrating a score. I’m guessing Robertson’s goal is to put the fear of God into the other guys. It certainly won’t get fans hype, which I thought was the goal here (bad pun intended).
Nicolas Roy: “We Will Rock You” by Queen (10 of 10)
Nothing bad to say about this one. It’s been a sporting event staple since its release in 1977, and while that may make it a bit cliché, it’s Queen. You can’t beat Queen. It’s also guaranteed to get a sing-along from the crowd, which is a plus.
Aleksi Saarela: “The Final Countdown” by Europe (8 of 10)
This is a safe pick, a classic sports staple that all fans will recognize. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing super exciting about it.
Nick Schilkey: “Smooth” by Rob Thomas and Santana (7 of 10)
Smooth as ice. This will get some folks singing along and dancing in their seats. Not a bad pick.
Zack Stortini : “American Badass” by Kid Rock (10 of 10)
Kid Rock is Kid Rock, and I don’t have a whole lot of good to say about him or his music, but this is a pretty good pick to get people hype after a goal, and that’s what’s really important here.
John Wesley: “He’s a Pirate” by Klaus Badelt (8 of 10)
Looks like someone is a big Jack Sparrow fan. This is a good, intense pick that will keep building on the momentum of the last goal and get the guys ready to go back at it.