Inebriated White Walker Encounters in Charlotte

If you don’t know a thing about Game of Thrones, I apologize in advance. But the reality is, according to HBO, ”… a staggering 17.4 million viewers across cable, HBO Go and HBO Now tuned into the Game of Thrones season eight premiere.

Since the series ended just last week and this is our first Sunday without any Game of Thrones anywhere in the future, this is the last you’ll probably hear of the show.

If you never subscribed to the 10-year fantasy series, this article isn’t for you.

Game of Thrones is my jam and I don’t care about how many memes you’ve reposted about how you don’t like the show, they mean nothing to me.

There’s one main point of relation between the show and our fair city: White Walkers. If you’ve frequented any spot in the Queen City, you know that these frozen zombies under command of the Night King truly exist in nightlife.

Let’s back up: I met the owners of Moo & Brew one recent night, only to find out later that they would remember parts of the conversation that I wouldn’t.

Not only that, they liked to watch Game of Thrones and had just watched a critical episode. That played into my constant line of thinking, ”What can I write about next?”

If you ask me, I was a White Walker when I met those guys. Read: a drunken zombie.

And for those of you #GOT haters who have kept reading, you don’t need to be familiar with the show or White Walkers to know what a drunken zombie looks like.

I thought I’d channel my fellow Nerve Nightlife columnist Justin Zalewski by identifying some of these rabble rousers, in honor of the passing of my favorite television series.

White Walker No. 1: The person who walks right through a tables in the middle of the day, stumbling into the bar, already White Walker wasted for the day. Of course, they can’t walk, but they can keep drinking.

White Walker No. 2: This one loves the snow, and they love to ski. They’re totally invested in extending the Long Night by imbibing in drugs that rhyme with Jon Snow-caine. And if they run out, they fall like someone stabbed their Night King.

White Walker No. 3: The lights are on … but nobody’s home. This person is able to hold entire conversations with everyone, despite being drunk. They’re so friendly and well-meaning that no one has the wherewithal to tell them, “Go home, you’re embarassing yourself.”

White Walker No. 4: The person who’s so wasted that they are only focused on converting everyone to their perspective. They’re going to argue about everything regarding social norms — from Juul pods, to politics. Disengage with this White Walker! You can stand your ground, but you can’t reach them.

White Walker No. 5: Designated drivers. They have only one train of thought: When are we going home? They’re in charge of entertaining the drunk folk despite having absolutely no desire to do so. These are the real heroes of the Long Night.

White Walker No. 6: ”You don’t go here; you can’t sit with us.” This is the white walker who thinks they run the place. All the bartenders know them, even if they don’t necessarily like them, so whatever they want, they get.

White Walker No. 7: The gal or guy that has their eyes on the prize. They have a certain person in mind that they want to take home, and they’re sure they’ve been spitting the right game to make that happen. In reality, they’re a sputtering mess and the object of their affection has would rather go home with Jaime Lannister, or a wildling, for that matter.

White Walker No. 8: I love dogs! They pet every dog in the vicinity, and they don’t care how you feel about them doing so. They are going to do it anyways, so just let it happen and they’ll eventually move on — but only after using “the dog voice” and yelling, “Oh, you must smell my dog!”

White Walker No. 9: The pusher. The person who can’t leave their job at home. Whatever their pushing, whether it’s drugs or a brand, all they’re focused on is getting you to buy into their business model. From Under Armour to juice to drugs, you’re sold!

After nine, even if you’re not a GoT fan, you know what a White Walker looks like in real life. They are alive and well in Charlotte nightlife.

Even when they are the ”walking dead,” they are ever-present and effervescent in nightlife. They exist. If you know what White Walkers are, you’re very aware of how those people compare to drunkards, who simply can’t hold their liquor and end up passed out in an Uber or on the street.

I’m curious, what do White Walkers look like to you when it comes to nightlife?