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Keep It 100: Dating Into Your 30s

Dear Shameika,
I’m at my wits end. I want to get married one day. I’m in my early 40s and, well, dating is tiring, because I can’t seem to find the one that meets everything I have on my list. Do you think women of a certain age, like over the age of 35, need to wait and be single until the “right” man comes along, or should we continue to deal with fools while we’re waiting?

Waiting for Love

Shameika Rhymes

Dear Waiting for Love,
Sigh. It’s no secret that dating is hard regardless of your age. For some reason it seems like it becomes even harder after you turn that magical age of 30, and the dating pool starts to dry up and your list gets shorter or longer in some cases. But first, high five to you for even being out here going on dates! To hear some folks tell it in these letters, they can’t find anyone that wants to go out beyond a “Netflix and Chill” type of evening.

But let me get back on track. How often have we heard the following advice from social media and these “relationship experts” who always include rules and regulations for women but fail to school the men folk? “Stay single until you find a man who…. “ “Stay single until you find that unicorn…” or even “Don’t settle unless..” Or better yet, “Embrace your singleness until …?”

All the advice is exhausting. So I’m not going to follow in their footsteps, but I am going to keep it 100 with you. Are you truly giving the men you call “fools” a fair chance? On the path to finding the one, you have to date and kiss a few trifling mofos — err… frogs — before you can find the right one. But how will you know you have found “the one” if you don’t take a chance and get out there and dip your toe into the dating pool? How will you know that you’ve found your forever bae until you have gone through the ups and downs of dating and learn to accept their flaws and all? Maybe it’s time to do away with your list, and I’m not saying to lower your standards, I’m suggesting that maybe if you throw it away and open your mind, you may be surprised at what pops into your life.

It’s inevitable that you’ll get knocked off the freeway of love (shout out to Aretha Franklin), several times but you can’t give up if you desire to get married. Who’s to say the one fool you give a chance to won’t be the perfect fit for you? But you won’t know unless you give him a shot. Honestly, you have to have an open mind, and open your heart to let someone in. Don’t give yourself a bunch of rules that you have to follow in order to reach that goal of matrimony.

Love freely and, no, this doesn’t mean hunch every guy you meet … unless you want to, but that’s your business and no judgement here. What I mean is to open yourself up to the experience of meeting new people. Don’t spend so much time analyzing if the guy meets every single item on your list that you forget to have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun (allegedly). It gives you the chance to make memories and find out what you will and won’t tolerate.

Don’t think of being single as the end-all, be-all. Being single has its perks too. You have a lot more time to devote to your career, grow professionally and personally, and let’s not forget, there’s no one around to answer to!

Don’t even listen to the naysayers that come out the side of their necks saying, “Not everyone will get married.” I’m a believer in manifesting your future, and if you want a husband, you can have a husband. Being single is okay, and not having found your forever bae yet is also okay, no matter what social media says. Ignore the memes implying where you should be at your age. It’s about you making your intentions clear and allowing the universe to guide you to the one.

In the meantime, get out of the house and enjoy yourself. After all, the right person will cross your path at the right time. So to answer your question, it’s your decision if you choose to hop into a relationship, situationship, or just stay single while waiting on the one. Just make sure that whatever choice you make, you are happy and fulfilled.

Good luck!

If you have a dilemma you need help solving, drop me a line:

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  1. Hello,
    So this remark is from a woman who is married, and often wonders why is this marriage sooo much work?! It’s been good, and it’s been really hard. We come home to each other every night, but the joy that we hoped we would have at this time is at a standstill. We try to keep the lines of communication open between us, but sometimes it’s just not nice, and other times it’s really motivating.
    Your advice to this reader is on point….don’t judge these men too much, but allow them an opportunity to be vulnerable and real….see where it takes you….just don’t settle for abuse….focus on love and kindness….some of these guys are really just learning.

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