The Scanner: Don’t Come A-Knockin’

WELCOME HOME A 35-year-old woman filed a non-criminal police report last week after a curious incident happened in front of her west Charlotte home. The woman told officers she found a welcome mat laying in her yard, and out of curiosity reviewed her surveillance footage to see how it got there. It was then that she saw a young man throw the mat into her yard, and when she asked him about it he told her he had been dared to do it by friends in the neighborhood. So in review: the woman got a new mat, she wasted police time, the report wasted my time and now I’m wasting yours.

UNWELCOME HOME One woman did not get such a warm welcome when she moved into her new rental in southwest Charlotte recently. The 32-year-old woman told police she moved into the home on Feb. 28 after paying $1,500 for the first month’s rent. At around 5:30 p.m., the woman left to run some errands, or possibly pick up one more load from her old home, and came back to find a note on the door. The note wasn’t from one of her new neighbors welcoming her to the neighborhood, however, it was from the leasing agent in charge of the property. The note suggested that she call the agent, and when she did she was informed that she had not, in fact, leased the house, and the person she spoke with had no connection with the property.

FRAGILE FRIENDSHIP A 16-year-old boy in north Charlotte called police last week after an old friend came over to visit, but without a friendly reason. The boy told police that the former friend showed up to his home on Matheson Avenue at around 4:30 p.m. and tried to crawl into an unlocked window of the home. The tenant was able to push his ol’ pal back out the window and lock it. It was then that the suspect picked up some unknown object and shattered the outer pane of the window, doing $75 in damage. After the suspect left and police showed up, the victim told them the suspect had a beef with him for an incident that occurred in the past, and as with almost all police reports, we now have more questions than we came in with.

PAST DUE Police finally caught up with a car thief in the Derita area of north Charlotte after bringing Snoopy into the mix to find him. According to the report, the police helicopter spotted a stolen car and then watched as two suspects fled from the vehicle on foot. Officers on the ground were able to catch up with one of the suspects, and found him to be in possession of a stolen wallet and a stolen check worth $2,637 dated from three years ago. That apparent habit of procrastination explains why it took him until the chopper showed up to ditch the stolen car.

PANHANDLING PROBLEMS A 55-year-old man filed a police report recently after a bad day turned worse for him in north Charlotte. The man told police that he was panhandling at the intersection of Reames and Sunset roads when he got into a territorial fight with another man who was panhandling at the same corner. While the two men battled it out, a woman who had been hanging around watching the men realized it was her time to strike and grabbed the victim’s backpack before running off. The man reported that the woman made off with his ID, his Social Security card and $30 in cash.

GRAMMAR POLICE The principal at Lake Wylie Elementary School does not play around when it comes to proper sentence usage. According to a recent police report filed by principal Jigna Patel, a student dropped three small notes in the hallway recently, and when a staff member picked them up and read them, they were found to contain “inappropriate verbiage.” The ironic part is that the police officer filing the report misspelled verbiage as “verbage,” and will therefore have to file another report against themself.

PEAK PROFITS If the CMPD was hoping to fund any new hires with the take from their undercover stings, they’re going to need to send in some more gambling-savvy officers. According to a recently filed report, Vice & Narcotics officers assisted with a month-long undercover investigation of illegal gambling machines, during which they won $20 and $10 that they were later forced to turn into property control. Damn, you can’t even let them buy themselves dinner?