CANCELED PLANS Police were cruising the Lincoln Heights neighborhood in west Charlotte on a recent morning when they recognized a man that they knew to have an unserved warrant standing outside of a convenience store. Officers lost sight of the man but caught back up to him an hour later and confronted him. In the report, officers stated that, “Upon making contact with the suspect, he gave officers the one ecstasy pill that he possessed,” although maybe he should have just popped it before they could get to him. That would have saved him the drug charge and made jail all the more fun, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.
ENTREPRENEUR Police responded to a break-in at a business in southwest Charlotte last week to find that someone stole promotional material and nothing else. The break-in happened at a United Wireless, which sells prepaid phone cards. But instead of taking the cards or money, the burglar made off with a bunch of United Wireless posters, possibly in hopes of opening their own shop.
GRANDMA’S GONE A family living off The Plaza in northeast Charlotte called police after someone broke into their house and took their grandmother. The thieves struck at some point between 7:30 and 11 p.m., and when the family returned home they found that their safe was gone. According to the report, the safe contained a living will, Social Security cards, passports, birth certificates, vehicle titles, a ring appraisal, a decanter of bourbon and a grandmother’s ashes. In an unrelated incident, a 33-year-old south Charlotte man filed a police report after someone broke into his car overnight and took a body part. According to the report, the thief stole his gate opener (because walls work, apparently), $4 in change, a checkbook and a surgical implant for a knee replacement worth $8,000. Not sure how much it sells for on the black market, though.
SNACK TIME A 48-year-old man in NoDa came out to his car on a recent morning to find that someone had broken into his Volkswagen, although they didn’t have to try very hard. The man reported that the dangerously cheesy suspect went into his unlocked Volkswagen and took $5 in change and a bag of Cheetos.
NO GOOD DEED A 33-year-old east Charlotte woman found out the hard way that she shouldn’t be doing any favors for friends. The woman told police that a friend of hers asked for a ride to the bank so she took him, and when they got there, he somehow took her bank card without her noticing and withdrew $400 from her account.
STRIP FIT A child at Steele Creek Elementary lost his shit in the middle of class during a recent fit of anger, then lost all his clothing. According to the report, the student “became irate in class and removed all his clothing in the presence of other students.”
DRUNK DIAL Police issued a citation for a man in the Coulwood area after he needed someone to speak to, so he called 911. According to the report, the suspect called 911 three times in three hours, but didn’t have anything important to say. He was told not to call back while intoxicated unless there was a real emergency.
START ’EM YOUNG We don’t usually like to make light of folks stealing children’s clothing, diapers, etc., because desperate times call for desperate measures, but when you start making the kids an actual accessory to the crime, you need to be called out. One older sister was not setting the best example at Northlake Mall recently when they took their young sibling into a dressing room at Dillard’s, put $100 worth of clothes on the kid, put the original clothes back on over those clothes, and walked out of the store.
LOL A Party City employee had to risk their life for a few dolls recently, because four thieving suspects were not leaving that store without them. According to the 30-year-old woman on shift at the time, the suspect tried to leave the store with 25 LOL brand dolls and 10 large bags of assorted candy. When the employee tried to stop the guys from leaving with all that merchandise, one of them threatened her with a weapon.