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The Scanner: Final Ride

DEAD A 23-year-old woman who works at Rosadale Funeral Parlor on Central Avenue was brutally attacked by a coworker after a workplace controversy finally came to a head, according to a report. The victim told police her coworker had been using one of the company’s vehicles “outside the scope of the intended operation,” and boy do we wish we had more details on that, just in case it was a hearse. When the suspect was informed that she was fired for misusing the vehicle, she refused to return it. She would return, however, and with a vengeance. The victim was reportedly inside the funeral home at around 2:30 p.m. when the suspect walked in and suddenly attacked her with a broomstick, striking her in the head and face. She then took the victim’s purse and got into a company-owned van and drove off. The victim suffered minor injuries and refused medical treatment.

I’LL TAKE IT Police responded to Hendrick Automotive car dealership on East Independence Boulevard in southeast Charlotte after a man jumped the gun on a new purchase … by skipping the purchase part. When officers arrived, an employee told them that a man was planning to test drive a Lexus LX 570 worth $98,460. Just before 7 p.m., according to the report, “the suspect stole a vehicle before going on a test drive.” Maybe he just didn’t know that you’re supposed to bring an employee on the test drive … or that you’re supposed to come back.

MINE NOW Another suspect in the Starmount area of south Charlotte was actually allowed to leave the lot with his take, only to ignore calls to return. According to the police report, the suspect purchased a Mitsubishi Mirage from Larry Jay Mitsubishi with the understanding that his loan for the $17,000 car would still need to be approved. Sure enough, the loan was declined, but when the dealer was able to reach the suspect, he refused to return the car.

SHIT A recent disorderly conduct report filed from the Charlotte Douglas International Airport stated, “The listed suspect was found to be using profane language while on Charlotte airport property.” Well if that’s a crime, we’re all fucked.

MINE NOW II A 25-year-old woman filed a police report recently after her phone was lost … then found … then stolen. The woman told police that she dropped her phone while walking her dog near her NoDa apartment one morning, and that afternoon, someone found her phone and called her from her own phone (how that’s possible is beyond me), and said that he would drop the phone off in her leasing office. The mystery man must have had a change of heart, in the wrong direction, because he never did return the phone and stopped responding to calls and texts after the original call.

SCREEN TIME Kids these days love their phones, and God help the adult who tries to take it away from them. One teacher at Harding University High School learned this the hard way on a recent morning, when a kid lost his shit after being told to put his phone away. The student refused to put the phone up, then refused to report to in-school suspension and began really making a disruption. At one point, he “violently threw a soda bottle against the wall,” causing a mess that the custodian had to come and clean up, presumably with plenty of eye rolls. The student continued to cause disturbances throughout the building and was eventually taken into custody and charged with disorderly conduct as a juvenile and released to his mother.

READ MORE BOOKS Some shoplifting crimes are more wholesome than others. Staff at a Hobby Lobby on Ikea Boulevard in the University City area called police at lunchtime on a recent Wednesday after someone stole some items that would make for a quaint afternoon. According to the report, the thief concealed a package containing a bookshelf and some hot glue sticks. We’re all about supporting reading, and when you’re stealing from a business run by a Christian conservative blowhard who’s done some hugely harmful things over the years — well, we’re not going to condone it, but we’re not going to condemn it either.

RECEPTACLE A 38-year-old woman found some unsettling changes to her yard when she got home from work on a recent afternoon. The woman, who lives near the Park Road Shopping Center, said that at some point between 9:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. on a Tuesday, someone dumped garbage on her doorstep.

WORKING REMOTE A 59-year-old southwest Charlotte woman fell for a scam that we’ve not seen in the pages of The Scanner before. According to the report, the woman received a call one recent morning from someone claiming to be a federal government employee who had just raided a drug house in Dallas, Texas. The man told her that agents had found “her information” alongside drugs in the house, and that “she would have to pay a fee to protect her assets and to avoid an arrest.” He then transferred to a second man, who had the victim go and buy three eBay gift cards and read the pins over the phone to him. The woman lost $600, and according to the report, “[the suspect] tried to get more money from the victim but upon arriving home her husband spoke to [the suspect] who hung up when the husband questioned him.”

PICKPOCKET PANHANDLE A 31-year-old man was just trying to help someone out when he offered up $2 to a woman who asked him for cash outside of a business park near Sugaw Creek Park in north Charlotte one recent morning, but he ended up helping her out more than he could have imagined. According to the report, “After the victim gave the suspect $2 she put her hand in his pocket and removed his wallet from his pocket and ran away.” The woman made off with his camo wallet, his ID card, his Social Security card and $175 in cash.

All Scanner entries are pulled from CMPD reports. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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