BURNING UP A recent Sunday Funday in NoDa turned into a fiery mess when a car burst into flames in front of Neighborhood Theatre. According to the report, the 28-year-old owner of the car stated that a woman intentionally set the car on fire while she was still inside, though it’s unclear how she did so. Photos of the scene posted on Facebook show the black Honda Civic flaming up pretty big, to the point where it was totaled, though the victim was fortunately able to escape suffering only minor injuries and did not need medical treatment. Two things that remain unclear from the photo and report: Why there’s an electric scooter underneath the car while it’s burning and which involved party is now facing drug charges for the $400 worth of Xanax that were found on the scene.
LOSE YOUR HEAD Police responded to a Golf Galaxy on Providence Road after a recent example of the most south Charlotte crime one could commit. Police responded to the store at around 6:45 p.m. one evening after an unknown suspect walked into the store and unscrewed the head of a golf club from its body and walked out with just the head, which is apparently worth $300.
LEAVE A MARK A 35-year-old man was assaulted at his job recently in a way that is more mafia don than car salesman. The victim told police he was at his job at Town & Country Toyota on South Boulevard at around 12:15 p.m. when his coworker grabbed him by the shirt and burned his neck with a lit cigar. It must have been the suspect’s lunch break, though, because he fled the scene before police arrived.
WEIGHED DOWN A porch pirate in south Charlotte probably thought they had made a big haul during a recent theft, only to find a blanket. According to a police report from one of Charlotte’s more affluent neighborhoods — which we won’t name so as not to make it a target — a 32-year-old man reported thousands of dollars worth of goods stolen from his porch after they were delivered by Amazon. The man reported the following as stolen: two ceramic fans, two air filters, a weighted blanket, a bed comforter, a knife set, a Roku, an Apple Watch, two vacuums, a juice machine, two phone cases and a dinner set. All in all, the thief made off with $2,700 in merchandise.
E-COMMERCE Management at a north Charlotte Walmart filed a police report recently after finding that one of their employees had been collecting on a holiday bonus that he didn’t necessarily earn. According to the report, the employee was found to have stolen 20 video games and a pair of AirPods during his three-month employment. If we’re being real, Walmart is known nationally for treating their workers like shit so we say let him keep the games.
CAN’T BE CONTAINED Police responded to a group home in the Windsor Park neighborhood after one juvenile proved to be too slippery for both staff and police both. According to the report, police had just “recovered” the runaway juvenile after he ditched the group home, and returned him to the building at around 10:30 p.m. Then, “while officers were still on scene, group home staff members informed officers that the juvenile had run away again.”
STARTING A BAND Police responded to a Guitar Center in University City on one recent morning after someone pulled off a daring heist and stole thousands of dollars worth of musical equipment. According to the report, at some point between 9:19 and 10:15 a.m., a suspect walked out of the store with four electric guitars, one bass guitar, one classical guitar and a case, stealing a total of $5,646 worth of gear.
DAVY CROC-IT One would-be shoplifter has to be wondering which is worse, his taste or his timing, after getting caught red-handed at a DSW shoe warehouse on South Boulevard one recent morning. According to the report, the suspect walked into the store at around 10:40 a.m. and grabbed a backpack from one of the shelves then put two pairs of Crocs in the bag. He ran out the front door and right into two police officers who were walking into the store. A brief foot pursuit followed, but the suspect was caught by the officers and charged with misdemeanor shoplifting.
MOPEDING ISN’T A CRIME Police responded to Saint Patrick Catholic School on a recent morning after an anonymous employee called 911 to report a “suspicious moped” that had been found near the school’s playground. We’re not sure what makes a moped suspicious, but we think Suspicious Moped would make a good band name if anyone wants it. As for the moped itself, it’s been placed in storage until ownership can be determined.
WHEN NATURE CALLS Perhaps the most conspicuous thing you can do to grab a cop’s attention when you happen to be driving drunk at 9 a.m. would be to jump out of your car and start peeing in the street during rush hour traffic, but that’s what one suspect did on a recent Monday morning. According to the report, officers witnessed the suspect urinating in the roadway on South Tryon Street near Sandy Porter Road, so they pulled him over and, following an investigation, charged him with driving while impaired and other traffic-related offenses.
OUTTA MY YARD One south Charlotte man doesn’t want anybody messing around in his yard, even if they’re trying to improve it. Police responded to an assault call in the Quail Hollow neighborhood and found two men, aged 63 and 23, who had just been in a fight. According to the report, the 63-year-old man who owned the home where the call originated yelled at the younger man, who is a landscaper and was doing yardwork. The older man ordered him to leave his yard. The landscaper must really love his job, because he refused to leave the yard, then “an altercation ensued [and] the resident struck the landscaper in the face with a closed fist.”
All Scanner entries are pulled from CMPD reports. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.