The Scanner: Fifty-Four Bottles of Beer Out the Door

NEED A HAND A Circle K cashier in south Charlotte tried to not get bamboozled by a suspect, but failed anyway. Late last week, a suspect entered the gas station and hung around until one of the two cashiers left the register, then made their move. The suspect went to the beer cooler and grabbed three 18-packs of Modelo, then attempted to get the remaining cashier to help them carry a fourth. This cashier probably knew what was up and denied helping the suspect, but “advised the suspect to bring the three packs to the register” instead. At this point, you probably think it ends well for the witty cashier, but the suspect approached the register, then turned left and just exited the store with the three 18-packs of beer without paying.

SPRING CLEANING Household cleaning supplies were a common weapon in Charlotte last week, as two separate reports have come in where victims have been assaulted with items meant for tidying up the house. A 36-year-old man in east Charlotte reported that he and a separate person were in a heated argument that was about to escalate to a physical fight. It was at the apex of the argument that a third person swept in and swung at him with a broom stick. Unfortunately, the suspect made contact with the victim’s left forearm, which required medical attention. A similar report came in the same day from the Eastway neighborhood in which a 21-year-old man was struck with a vacuum cleaner. The two reports don’t seem to be connected, but somebody apparently needs to clean up their attitude.

EXIT THROUGH THE MARKETPLACE The IKEA store can be quite a maze, and many people report not being able to leave the store without buying unnecessary Swedish household items. But last week, three suspects decided they were going to leave the store without buying anything at all. The three suspects entered the store and placed IKEA shopping bags into a cart, then walked around the store filling them up with items. Once they figured they had enough OUMBÄRLIG frying pans and RICKARUM table lamps, the three suspects took the bags out of the carts and attempted to leave the store through the marketplace area. Only one suspect slipped through security, while the other two were stopped. It didn’t hinder them from returning to their shopping cart and making a break for it through the emergency exit door and jumping in the getaway cart that their friend had pulled up.

WE WILL ROCK YOU An electrifying act of absent-mindedness was reported last week when a driver was found dumping rocks in the driveway of a house in north Charlotte with a dump truck. While the bed of the truck was raised, it caught the overhead power lines and pulled them down, breaking a power pole in the process. Instead of sticking around to own up to the $50,000 in damages, the driver fled in the truck without leaving driver or insurance information. It’s OK, Duke will just pass the cleanup costs on to us customers.

SET IN STONE Not 10 minutes away from the broken power lines, a different kind of driveway mishap occurred. A 69-year-old man in north Charlotte reported that while his new driveway cement was drying, someone came by and left their mark in the mixture. According to the report, the unknown suspect drew obscene words and numbers in the drying cement, which resulted in a whopping $1,000 in damage.

All Scanner entries come from CMPD reports. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.