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The Scanner: Urine Trouble

THE RAID Police investigated a complaint regarding the illegal sale of alcohol at a “corner store” in east Charlotte, near the NoDa neighborhood. During the investigation, police discovered that the corner store dubbed “Dar’s Super Mini Mart” was selling malt beverages without an ABC permit and found a stolen nine-millimeter handgun. Among other items seized were suspected ecstasy pills, approximately $1,300 in cash and an item called U Pass Fetish Urine. We had to look that last one up, but it’s for getting kinky without getting stinky … and also for passing urine drug tests.

GUN IT A football fan was apparently taken by surprise by the metal detectors leading into Bank of America Stadium before a recent Panthers game in Third Ward, and needed a place to hide their gun. While that would already be an idiotic idea rather than returning to where they came from to put the gun up, their next move was even dumb. Police officers were surprised when they lifted up a traffic cone about halfway through the game and found a handgun underneath.

EXCUSE ME One man in east Charlotte was waiting in line at CSL Plasma on Central Avenue when he experienced something that we all experience from time to time: running into a rude person. The 57-year-old male filed a report with police early last week to inform them that he had been standing in line for customer service that afternoon when the unknown suspect became “very rude and nasty.” The man specified to police that he did not do anything to the suspect and has no idea why he would have acted that way toward him. Haters gon’ hate.

WHEELS UP One suspect tried to use his disability to his advantage when he attempted to shoplift recently. At the SouthPark Mall AT&T store, the man tried to conceal a Bluetooth portable speaker in his jacket and leave the store without paying. According to the report filed with CMPD, when he was stopped by security, the suspect struck the security personnel not once, but twice with his wheelchair, causing minor injuries.

CIG BREAK We honestly can’t stress this enough: stop leaving your shit unsecured and then it won’t be stolen so easily. One 34-year-old man in the University area presumably didn’t know this advice while staying at a hotel on University Executive Drive when he filed a report stating his room had been broken into and his $40 LG prepaid phone was stolen. Per the report, the man stated that he left his door unlocked to go outside and smoke a cigarette, but when he returned he realized his cell phone was missing.

FRAUDULENT FORD One 46-year-old man was put through the wringer in August when he entered what he thought would be a simple transaction for a 2004 Ford F-150. After paying approximately $4,000 for the truck, the owner and suspect delivered the truck to the victim’s home, but it was the wrong car. After returning the car back to the suspect, he was given a refund check that didn’t clear the bank. Even when a new check was written a couple weeks later, the $4,150 check still did not clear the bank. This is presumably a very complicated scam that was almost pulled off, but it might have been better for the victim to keep the vehicle as car-llateral.

SCHOOL’S LIT Sometimes, we really enjoy the short and sweet reports that leave room for the imagination. Early last month, a fire was reported at Collinswood Language Academy near the Sedgefield neighborhood. The report itself leaves much to be desired in terms of details, as the reporting officer wrote “a small fire ignited in a classroom,” and that’s it.

FREE SHIPPING If your holiday packages are a little late this year, it might be due to a slight mix up in northwest Charlotte. Last week, a trucking and logistics company reported a missing shipping container worth $20,000. According to the report, the business believes that the shipping container was picked up by another company accidentally, but it could still be the alternative explanation of nefarious intentions. Season 2 of The Wire comes to mind.

SMOOTH CRIMINAL One employee in east Charlotte got robbed behind their back when they discovered that money had been stolen from Advance Auto Parts. The kicker is he didn’t know until two days after the fact. According to the report filed with police, the employee was reviewing in-store camera footage when he saw the suspect go behind the counter, steal $300 and then leave with none the wiser. In the span of a minute, the suspect was able to get in, and get out. Maybe the security camera system needs an upgrade or the store needs more attentive employees.

Files are pulled from Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department records. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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